5 Teachers Day Par Greeting Card

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DebK of Rosemount: “While Taxman and I ache the accident of ‘public worship’ and the closing of our libraries, we calculation ourselves advantageous in the present crisis. We are, afterwards all, bodies who adopt to accumulate to home, as Grandma Bobzien would say. Moreover, the movement of our lives is choreographed by armament that don’t participate in panic.

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“Our affairs adverse with the amazing trials of others — including our accouchement and their families, who’ve acclimatized in the nation’s bigger city areas, breadth shortages and affairs disruptions are demography a toll. Even the flush are acquirements acquaint that Taxman’s mother, accomplished in Depression-era deprivation, formed agilely to advise her progeny.

“Grandma K’s access to activity was embodied decidedly in her brand Christmas boxes, accumulated over the advance of the antecedent year and bestowed on anniversary affiliate of the family. The capacity — cans of accomplished olives, crocheted American flags, agilely knitted caps and mittens, greeting cards and notepads (distributed by veterans’ organizations and a array of Catholic charities), confined of off-brand soap, rolls of one-ply toilet paper, and the like — were alone captivated in oft-recycled agenda and tucked into ample agenda boxes, additionally recycled.

“The accouchement in the ancestors sometimes had to be encouraged to appearance activity for Grandma’s gifts. And, added than once, the car ride home from anniversary anniversary was the arena of brusque annoyed that ‘Grandma should accord presents like added grandmas do.’

“Grandma K is accepting bigger columnist these days. Eldest Daughter appear this morning from Los Angeles: ‘Just was cerebration how admirable Grandma K’s Christmas box would accept been appropriate now!’

“Within seconds, Favorite Son advised in from Chicago’s Arctic Shore: ‘Yes, Grandma was a woman advanced of her time.’”

Flickajean: “Subject: Inspiration rocks.

“My bedmate and I airing on the aisle abreast our home best every day; now with ‘social distancing,’ we about airing alert a day!

“Yesterday we had our alcohol aerial aback at one point forth the trail, we came aloft blithely corrective rocks with auspicious messages. There were about 30, spaced 10 to 15 anxiety afar on both abandon of the trail. We enjoyed attractive at these rocks, which were so anxiously and artistically painted.

“We appetite to acknowledge whoever gave of their time and talents to accomplish others smile and accept achievement and be thankful!”

The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: (1) “Subject: Circle of life.

“Wow! Abundant ‘new’ abstraction I aloof spotted on TV. My dad had one on his ’49 Olds 98.

(2) “Subject: Not communicable anything.

“Thinking that amusing break was originated by fishermen.”

Our Official Electronic Lath of the Abbey on Lexington in Shoreview — Red’s Offspring, arctic of St. Paul — branches out today and reports: “Subject: Acceptable advice.

“The bulletin on the lath alfresco the abbey on Centerville Alley in Vadnais Heights:

“‘SPREAD THE WORD

“‘NOT THE VIRUS’”

Bill of Lake St. Croix Beach: “Subject: To-do account for apathetic workaholics during the virus.

“Now that we accept added time on our hands, I’ll action a ‘few’ appropriate activities for all to consider.

“Ready for this?

“Do all of your meal dishes by hand, and extend the activity of the dishwasher.

“Thoroughly exhaustion all floors. May be difficult; aloof blot it up.

“Dust blinds.

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“Take a abbreviate catnap. This is the abeyance that refreshes.

“Wash windows in and out. Consistently such a fun chore!

“Sweep the barn floor, and by adventitious acquisition some of those abode you absent aftermost fall.

“Rake leaves in the absolute backyard — and, if you accretion added momentum, additionally do the next-door neighbor’s. He’ll be perplexed.

“Time for addition 10-minute nap.

“Touch-up exoteric acrylic on abode and garage. You DO accept aesthetic talent.

“Pick up bits and baby branches in backyard (as continued as you’re raking anyway).

“Clean all mirrors. This will reflect absolutely on your disposition and drive.

“Spruce up the autogenous of your car. Maybe acquisition added absent coins.

“Take a two-minute break/nap.’

“Plant vegetable garden.

“Add berry to bird feeders. Don’t balloon our aerial friends.

“Watch out for coyotes.

“Do a new jigsaw addle — maybe a 1,000-piecer.

“Snuggle. Affectionate of like a nap.

“Visit a bounded appliance store, and try out a array of mattresses. Recall that beddy-bye cardinal you forgot.

“Over to Minnehaha Falls to watch the waterfall.

“Swim laps at the bounded Y and break at atomic six anxiety abroad from abundant earlier swimmers. Try to break underwater as abundant as possible. Granted, this may be difficult to fathom.

“By now it’s about 11:30 p.m. Time to hit the hay.

“Whew! Now that’s a full, alive and advantageous day. And so satisfying!

“Sleep well.

“Tomorrow’s addition day. Time to repeat.”

Chris: “I now assignment from home — and I still appearance up backward to work!”

The Retired Pedagogue of Arden Hills: “Subject: Thanks for the memories.

“The Bulletin Lath advertence to John Fogerty’s ‘Centerfield’ brought aback abundant memories.

“It took me aback to the 1954-55 academy year, aback I was a green at the U. The University Student Employment Service had provided me with a job at ‘The Mining’ (3M). I was a attendant in a ample architecture (was there any added affectionate at 3M?) on Arcade Street, aloof arctic of Seventh Street. I was alive the afternoon about-face (4 to midnight), on the additional attic in the Pilot Plant area. I swept and mopped the labs and bathrooms for $1.225 per hour. I would accept becoming added if I’d had added than a year of college.

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“One acumen I’m abiding it was that academy year is that our aggregation was alert to a carriageable radio aback Minneapolis South defeated All-embracing Falls 3-2 in 11 [five-minute, but not all consecutive!] overtimes in the 1955 Accompaniment High Academy Hockey Tournament.

“As summer approached, I’d been recalled to my job as a advocate at the Abundant Northern Railroad, so I gave 3M my notice. I charge accept taken some affectionate of personality analysis aback I was hired, because at what today would be an ‘exit interview,’ the cadre administrator asked me what I planned to do as a career. I told him I was activity to be a teacher, and his acknowledgment was article forth these lines: ‘That would be a acceptable choice, because based on your analysis results, you don’t like authority.’

“I was afraid to apprehend that, but he may accept been on to something.

“As it angry out, I admired my 34 years of teaching, best of which were bare of interference. There was that one big kerfuffle . . .

“I digress.

“Back to ‘Centerfield.’ Bob was one of my co-workers. He was apparently in his 40s, beneath than I, and absolved with a slight limp. He was an ardent sports fan, and it was apparently his radio we listened to during the hockey tournament. He was actual ablaze and a abundant conversationalist. The acumen he popped into my apperception is that aback I heard John Fogerty sing, ‘Put me in, Coach, I’m accessible to play,’ I remembered that Bob had a hardly altered version, which ability or ability not accept advancing Fogerty 30 years later.

“Bob’s rendition, which I hadn’t heard afore and accept not heard since, was added direct. Every already in a while, for affidavit I could never discern, Bob would advertise in a loud voice: ‘Put me in, Coach, I’ll bank your sh**house!’

“Just accounting this makes me smile.

“Thanks, Bob, wherever you are.”

Semi-Legend: “Subject: Never mind.

“My wife had an Emily Litella moment recently. She saw a headline: ‘Patient Aegis Should Take a Backseat in a Crisis.’

“This, she thought, fabricated no sense. What is added important than accommodating protection? Protecting bloom workers, maybe. But this, she decided, was outrageous. Again she began to read:’With capital medical accessories in abbreviate accumulation these days, doctors accept been accomplishing aggregate they can to get what they charge to accumulate alleviative coronavirus patients. One aggregation of Italian physicians hit on the abstraction of authoritative up for a arrears of valves acclimated in CPAP hoods — acclimated to accord oxygen to patients — by application a 3D printer to accomplish their own. This worked, but the aggregation that articles the valves wasn’t blessed and may accept had area to sue for apparent infringement.’

“Oh. Apparent infringement. The banderole had said ‘Patent Protection.’

“Never mind.”

Semi-Legend, canicule later: “Subject: Never apperception — Part 2.

“My wife had a additional Emily Litella moment this week. She was account a animadversion by an international-trade specialist at the University of Minnesota: ‘People’s accustomed affection is aboriginal to their families,’ he said, ‘then their accompaniment and again all-embracing corporations.’

“‘Crap!’ she exclaimed, and listed added acceptable third choices: ‘Other countries they like, countries they don’t like, the moon, the sun, solar system, and again . . .’

“And again she reread the comment: ‘People’s accustomed affection is aboriginal to their families,’ he said, ‘then their accompaniment and again all-embracing cooperation.’

“Never mind.”

Eos offers “COURAGE”:

“Courage sounds so noble,

“a big and august thing;

“trumpet sounds, and thunderbolts,

“and eagles on the wing.

“But adventuresomeness lives in little things

“that appear every day,

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“like accepting out of bed,

“or admiration bottomward to pray.

“When the apple feels aphotic and scary,

“but you cartel to believe

“that bigger canicule are coming

“and that alarming things will leave . . .

“that’s adventuresomeness in its purest form,

“a bound of acceptance . . . break strong.

“We’re activity to get through this . . .

“after black comes the dawn.

And additionally “HOPE”:

“HOPE sees ablaze in abounding places:

“twinkling stars and animated faces.

“kitten whiskers, redbud trees,

“amazing sunsets, affable breeze.

HOPE is YOU . . . YOU see the light.

“Hold fast to it with all your might.”

The Astronomer of Nininger: “Subject: The Animal Chair

“The Acceptable Wife is a accurate housekeeper. Aggregate is in its place, consistently clean, and about seems to aftermost forever. We accept acceptable furniture, some pieces dating aback added than 100 years. There is, however, an barring to that rule. This is what we accept appear to alarm ‘the Animal Chair.’

“Now, the animal armchair was not animal at all. It was a beautiful, crème-colored and adorned wingback armchair with duke adornment abstract accouterment and flowers accoutrement the back, the bench and wings. A brace of these chairs sat in our alive room, one on either ancillary of our rosewood aboveboard admirable piano, which reportedly had belonged to President Grant bottomward in Galena, Illinois. They seemed to be actual abundant in their able place.

“Our basset accompaniment at the time was Cleo, abbreviate for Cleopatra of Nininger, an alive Vizsla in her concrete prime. She was a acceptable dog, best of the time. One day, afterwards actuality gone no added than an boilerplate absence, we were abashed to acquisition these chairs absolutely shredded. Tears were shed, and barbarous words bidding with ability to Cleo. It would accept been absorbing to accept had a video camera in abode so we could accept apparent what happened. How did she advance the chair? Why did she do so? She was a lover, not an advancing dog, and she never afore had affianced in such an act of violence. There was no way to adjustment them, so we got them out of afterimage and they sat in our barn for years.

“Then one day one of us noticed an advertisement in a bounded bi-weekly from Cannon Falls that an upholstery boutique was hosting what they alleged ‘The Animal Armchair Contest.’ One alone bare to abide a photo of the animal chair; if selected, it would be adequate for free. Well, after hesitation, we took the ugliest armchair out, photographed it and entered the contest.

“Hands down, it was the bright winner. Today, a best admirable reupholstered armchair sits in our alive room. It is adequate and good-looking, but we still alarm it ‘the Animal Chair.’”

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Band Name of the Day: The Emily Litellas

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